


You Want the World in Your Hands

by TripsH



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Fluff and Angst, I don't know what this even is, Introspection, M/M, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 12:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2024508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TripsH/pseuds/TripsH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>You want the world in your hands.</i> It's a thought that rushes forward when he leaves the gym, exasperated and angry after trying and failing to make Oikawa see reason. He leaves him behind, with only a glance, watching as Oikawa grabs another ball to serve. Oikawa promises that it's only going to be twenty more minutes. Iwaizumi knows that's a lie. <i>I can't give you that.</i> </p><p> </p><p>  <i>…But I can try.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	You Want the World in Your Hands

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what this is. I got so inspired out of nowhere and then this was born. Don't look at me.

Oikawa is a bratty kid. Carefree, somewhat spoiled, craves attention, wants things that are out of reach. Sometimes it’s annoying, especially the way he can draw people’s attention and use it to get what he wants.

 _You want the world in your hands_ , Iwaizumi thinks a little bitter, a little exasperated as he watches Oikawa smile at a classmate, who hands him whatever he'd been asking for without question _. And one day you'll probably get it_.

…

Early in junior high something sparks between them, something more than what they have always been. It's almost an accident, really.

He yanks Oikawa away from a crowd of girls, dragging him to practice. And Oikawa is laughing and taunting and trying to rile Iwaizumi up.

(Oikawa's words are not to be taken lightly though. They may seem like petty comments or stupid ramblings from someone who is brash and brazen. But often times, his words show a deeper understanding to a situation. Because as carefree as he may seem, Oikawa is so _good_ at analyzing, at looking at people and seeing them. It's scary, in a way.)

"You're jealous aren’t you, Iwa-chan. You can't stand that all the girls want to talk to me, can you?"

"You're a fucking dumbass if you think that!" Iwaizumi squeezes Oikawa's arm a lot tighter than he means to, but the idiot deserves it.

"Oh? Then maybe it's that you're jealous of them?"

He almost freezes on the spot. Almost. But he doesn't. He's not going to let Oikawa affect him like that, not going to let him know the truth so easily.

(But it's a pain because Iwaizumi knows that understanding doesn't only go one way. Oikawa knows him as well as he knows Oikawa.)

Sometimes it really is no use to hide it. But that doesn't mean he won't try. "As if," he splutters, absolutely hating the warmth rising to his cheeks and the way he has to look away in fear of giving everything away.

And then Oikawa is laughing. It's real and genuine laughter, he thinks, still trying to calm his racing heart as Oikawa grabs his hand and drags him around the corner—away from everyone else's eyes.

"It's true, isn't it?"

He wants to punch him, he really does, and actually moves to. But then he notices how close they are. And he doesn’t know what happens or who moves first, but the next thing he knows their lips meet.

It's weird and kind of unexplainable, but familiar too. It feels like home, like it's right.

They pull apart, breathless, and Oikawa smirks. "You're horrible at kissing, Iwa-chan. You need to get better if you want to kiss me more."

And Oikawa completely deserves the kick to the shins that follows.

…

They're in junior high and starting to make a name for themselves when he thinks it again. Their team is good. They're good. Oikawa, true to form, attracts attention everywhere he goes, at home, at school, on the volleyball court. He practices. He gets better, stronger. This time, though, the attention doesn't come without work. To an extent, it's natural, but mostly it's hard work and lots of practice that allows Oikawa to make a name for himself. It isn't until then that people begin murmuring about his serves, talking about his ability as a setter.

And it's when Oikawa smiles, bright and warm and so inherently happy, that he thinks it _. You want the world in your hands_.  A serve, point scored, and brilliant smile later. High fives and slaps to his back. Praise from the team, impressed glances from the crowd. Approval _. You've almost got it_. 

…

But he's wrong. He's wrong, so wrong and he wishes he wasn't. Shiratorizawa is a wall they can't reach, a retreating back they can't touch. Ushijima becomes a goal, something to conquer. Kageyama becomes an obstacle, something to get rid of at all costs. Both are weights, both cause pressure, both make Oikawa's smile fade. He pulls away, distances himself, doesn't let anyone see into his heart.

(On the surface, Oikawa seems like someone easy to read, easy to understand. But he's not. Iwaizumi understands him, but only through years of being together, of glimpsing so many parts of him. And even then, there are still parts of Oikawa that even Iwaizumi hasn't touched, hasn't reached.)

Doubts and second guesses. Those become the basis of the new reality they're in. Confidence shatters, shatters so badly that it's nearly impossible to pick up the pieces. Insecurities replace it. Of course they do. With forces like Ushijima and Kageyama causing such duress it's not surprising. It's not surprising that Oikawa feels desperate, like he can't measure up. Like he'll never be enough.

And it hurts to see that. It hurts to watch someone you know, someone you love break. He tries to help, really, he does. But he can't force Oikawa to listen, no matter how much he tells him that it's okay, that he doesn't need to do this, that practice is good but not like this. _Not like this._

 _You want the world in your hands._ It's a thought that rushes forward when he leaves the gym, exasperated and angry after trying and failing to make Oikawa see reason. He leaves him behind, with only a glance, watching as Oikawa grabs another ball to serve. Oikawa promises that it's only going to be twenty more minutes. Iwaizumi knows that's a lie. _I can't give you that._

 

 _…But I can try_.  

…

He does. And finally, he reaches Oikawa. But insecurities leave scars. They never fully go away, but at least his words, his assurance to Oikawa that they are a team, that it's not all on him, those at least help close raw wounds. Scars can be reopened though. Easily. He hopes that won't happen, hopes it won't be an issue anymore. But the likelihood that it will… that scares him.

…

_(Invincibility: incredibly strong, impossible to overcome, powerful.)_

Oikawa said he felt invincible. But feeling and being are two completely different things. Because all they could do, all they could take after everything—at their strongest—was only one set. Were they invincible? Would they ever actually be invincible? 

It hurts. It hurts that even their best isn’t good enough. It’s cruel and painful and just once all he wants is to win. To truly be invincible. To fly high above everyone else, to reach their dreams to get a taste of success. To be happy.

Is that so much to ask for?

…

In high school, things are different at first. Kageyama isn't there, no longer an immediate threat, only a lingering one. One that will be back their last year, threatening their last chance. (But that's not something to think about. Not yet.)

But Ushijima is ever present. He's always in their way.

Oikawa is not at the point he was at in third year of junior high. He's better and stronger and not as likely to break. But Iwaizumi still sees the doubts and insecurities. They're there. They're always there.

He hates it.

…

"You like to hide things from everyone else," he murmurs one night after a loss. "You put on a show to make it seem like you're fine. But you're not."

Oikawa laughs bitterly, leaning back against the pillows of the bed. "Maybe it's because I don't know how to let people in."

"You let me in."

"You're different."

And he links their hands together.

…

It's their last match. Their last match and of course, of course they lose. It's their last chance and it's squandered and it feels like their world is ending.

(Maybe it is)

Even though it feels like time stops for them, it moves for everyone else. Keep moving forward is probably what someone would say. But how? How could they keep moving forward when everything they've invested in and focused on and lived for is gone within moments?

The game had been close, but close wasn't good enough. It's so unbelievably frustrating to have a win so close, so within their reach, only to have it ripped away at the last second. Being close is worse than if they had lost by a longshot. Being close makes the pain more real.

…

The locker room is quiet after the game. Oikawa is upset and frustrated as the loss truly sets in, as he realizes there are no other chances. This was it.

The rest of the team trails out slowly, knowing it's best not to get involved when Oikawa is like this. And soon it's just the two of them.

 _Don't do this to yourself_ , Iwaizumi wants to say. _Don't do this._ "Tooru…"

"I don't want to talk," Oikawa hisses, wiping tears from his eyes. "Leave me alone!"

 _You want the world in your hands._ Iwaizumi wipes away his own tears. Everything is silent and heavy between them _. You didn't get it._

…

Oikawa is pulling away. Again, he's distancing himself. Except this time there is no chance to pull him back with the prospect of winning next time. There _is_ no next time.

Iwaizumi catches up to him, pulls him to a stop, is ready to yank him back to solid ground.  

"You can't just walk away from everything," he says, holding Oikawa's arm tightly. "You can't just bottle it up inside." _I'm right here. I'm right here and willing to listen._ To anything. To _everything_.

"What does it matter? It's over anyway!"

It's not. Volleyball is, but they're not. They didn't spend so much time building a home together only to watch it crumble.

"I'm right here, you dumbass! I feel the same things you do!"

_I need you._

"What am I supposed to say? We'll win next time? There is no next time, Hajime."

"There doesn't have to be!"

"Well then what's the point?"

_I want you._

"Just… let me in." It's a whisper, a pained one. Barely there, but he knows Oikawa hears it because his eyes widen the slightest bit.

_I love you._

And when Oikawa looks away, the words are pouring from his lips without a second thought. "You said I was different. Tell me why."

Oikawa seems taken aback, like he's surprised that their conversation is being brought up. "Why do you…?"

"Just say it!"

He looks at Iwaizumi, really looks at him this time. He bites his lip for a moment, like he does when he's unsure of himself, but then he speaks quietly. "You stay. No matter what I do, you don't leave..." He takes a breath before continuing. "You know me… better than anyone else. Better than I do sometimes. You make me feel better and stronger. You don't lie to me. You don't push me away. You're always there. I don't get how _I_ deserve someone like that… how I deserve you."

He hates that Oikawa feels that way, that he feels like he doesn't deserve to have someone who supports him and stays by his side. But he's not going anywhere. They've been by each other's sides for too long to stop now. "You do deserve it, okay? We both do. You're just as important to me, so don't think that it's me sticking around because I have to. Because it's not." _Not at all._

"Okay…"

Volleyball had always been theirs, something they did together. But it didn't define them. Not anymore. And as much as that hurt, it was okay. It would be okay. "We've got a whole lot more than volleyball to look forward to, you know." 

Oikawa looks surprised, fresh tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. "You think so?"

"I do."

 _You want the world in your hands_. They're wrapped in each other's arms after that, tears flowing freely. It still hurts, it still hurts so badly, but hearts can heal. They have a future. They can be happy. Together. _Maybe I can give it to you._  

…

Later, when wounds aren’t so raw and hearts have healed, it doesn't hurt to look back. Some may say that they wasted their time, wasted so many years of their lives. But they didn't. They both know that. It was worth it. Everything was worth it.

It's okay this time because they have changed and grown, have planted seeds in each other's hearts and tended to them with care until roots were ingrained there. Impossible to rip out.

"You want the world in your hands," he murmurs, squeezing Oikawa's waist gently and brushing his nose against the back of his neck as they cuddle on the couch of the apartment they'd agreed to share for college. 

Oikawa turns to look at him, a smile on his face. And with a brush of their lips, a whisper warm against his skin, Iwaizumi hears all he needs to. "Wanted. You've already given it to me."

**Author's Note:**

> I just have so many feelings for these two I swear...


End file.
